When many people hear the term “submissive,” they often think of it from a religious standpoint—specifically, that wives must be submissive to their husbands. If taken in that context, it can feel like someone’s personal choices and power are being ripped away. In those instances, people in power are attempting to dictate the dynamics in other people’s households and decide who plays what roles. That is not how anything in your home or bedroom should work.

I was raised in the church to be a “Good Wife”: to never disagree, to do whatever my husband said, and to submit to him as the head of the household. I became lost after I was blamed for a married man sexually assaulting me when I was seventeen. The assault went unreported so that my family didn’t look bad in the church. At that time, even though I was at an age where I should have known better, I didn’t fully understand what sex was when the assault happened.

After I moved out, I struggled to manage my spiritual feelings and to feel like I had any control over my own body. Surprisingly, where I found my control was in giving it up.

I found control in trusting my husband—my Daddy—to give me a space where I can relax. I am safe with him because I know that I have the power to stop everything with one word, no questions asked. This gives me the ability to push limits safely and to know I have regained control over my body. We have already discussed everything, and I know ultimately that he only has Dominance over me because I allow it.

Power dynamics work differently for everyone. The great thing is that they can be tailored to fit exactly what both you and your partner need. The only people who need to agree with the dynamic are the ones involved in it.

Keep it Safe and Consensual